Seriously, we gotta talk about wedding etiquette. I know I covered some of this in 6 DJ Mistakes That Cost You Thousands, but we’re going to get specific for weddings. Weddings are a totally different ball game that you need to be ready for. Imagine playing someone hundreds or thousands of dollars to play host for the most important day of your life, and the DJ makes a fool out of themselves. Would you ever recommend that DJ? Or, would you tell all of your friends and family to avoid that DJ at all costs? That’s what I thought.
Here’s the good news: this stuff is actually pretty easy once you know about it. It just seems that not a lot of DJs were ever told. We’re gonna fix that now.
Wedding Guest Etiquette
Some of the stuff that would apply to any other wedding guest absolutely applies to DJs as well. Just because you have a special role doesn’t mean you are above the law.
No Plus One Without Permission
Remember, your client is paying for everything on their wedding day, and that usually includes vendor meals. If I’ve got a big wedding where I’d like to bring a DJ assistant, I will always clear this with the bride and groom first. No surprises on the wedding day!
Be On Time
This one is soooo simple, but I’ve seen so many DJs screw it up. This is your new motto, say it with me: “Early is on time, on time is late!” When I’m planning with my couples, I ask when I can get into the venue, with my goal to start setting up at least 90 minutes early. I can assemble my full setup in under 30 minutes if I have to, but this gives me extra time to find my location, unload the car, meet coordinators and other vendors, be ready to go BEFORE the first guests arrive, and deal with any last minute emergencies. I’ll still get there 90 minutes early if I can’t get into the hall that soon, just to be ready to go when I can.
Silence your phone
This should go without saying, but your phone shouldn’t be making noise during your set, or God forbid, during the ceremony. Silence that thing! And, be mindful of how you are using it on stage. Keep your calls and texting to an absolute minimum, and try to get off stage when you use your phone.
Photos and video
Keep photos, videos and selfies as inconspicuous as possible too. I know you need to capture your great work for future marketing, but remember you are there to do the best job possible for your current clients. That doesn’t include a full photo shoot for your favorite social media site. Turn your flash off, and keep video recorders out of site of the guests. Don’t forget to get permission to record for marketing purposes from the client beforehand, too.
DJ-specfic Etiquette
Attire
You are on stage the entire time you are at the event. You need to look good throughout. So, you should look professional while you are setting up. I’ll usually wear a nice polo and my dress pants while I’m moving gear, and then change into my wedding attire right before the event.
What to wear is very simple. I will simply ask the bride and groom what they want me to wear. If they aren’t sure, I aim for one notch above the guests. A good tip is to dress for the venue. You should have scoped out where you are going in advance, so you’ll have an idea how fancy the place is. Daytime or outdoor wedding: dress shirt and slacks with an optional tie or vest. Nighttime or indoor wedding: Tux pants, vest and bowtie, optional jacket. You want to look good if you want other people to hire you later.
I’ve seen way too many DJs go way too casual at wedding receptions. Polos and t-shirts are not acceptable for the reception, unless the bride and groom have told you they want you to be casual. In fact, I was just at a family wedding where the DJ was in an untucked polo and slacks. Most of the guests were better dressed than he was. That’s just not cool.
If you need a great tux on the cheap, I’m a huge fan of eTuxedo.com. Their warehouse is in my hometown, and tuxes are so cheap that my wedding party was able to buy them for the cost of one rental. Great quality too, mine is still going strong 13 years later!
Dinner music volume
Be mindful of your volume during dinner. Your job is to help facilitate conversation at this point, not to be the center of attention. You should be checking your levels every so often, and moving around the room to make sure that people can talk without shouting at each other.
Eating and Drinking
You should always make sure you are invited to enjoy the meal and/or bar before you partake. It looks really terrible eating at your setup. I always try to get into a back room or at least an empty seat when I eat dinner. If they’re not providing dinner for you, make sure you’re out of sight if you have your own snacks. I’ll get a quick bite on my way to an event if I know they won’t be feeding me. Then I splurge on some late night fast food on my way home.
Drinking at an event is a potential for disaster. You really need to know your own limits and how to keep yourself out of trouble. I know many DJ who won’t drink at an event for this very reason. I’m okay having a beer or two myself, but I will make sure that I’m never affecting my performance. If you have any doubt about yourself, just stay away for alcohol all together. Imagine what your sloppy performance will do to your hard-won reputation if you get drunk at an event.
When to shine, and when to blend in
Much of your role at a wedding is to act as MC for the reception. You are the crucial guide for your guests as to what’s going on. If you’ve got a coordinator that you are working with, it’s great to just follow their lead. You’re going to be announcing some of the critical events: introductions, first dances, cake cutting, etc. You want to make sure you know what’s going on and be the leader when it’s your turn to take over. Your enthusiasm will get the party going.
At the same time, this is not your main stage festival set. These people didn’t pay to come see you perform, they paid you to help them celebrate their big day. Unless they asked for it specifically, they don’t want your dance-floor-killing, ten-minute scratch routine. This is not the day to stroke your ego. Give ’em what they want, make ’em happy and keep ’em dancing.
Never invite a prospect
I’ve never done this myself, but I’ve seen it offered, and even recommended by some wedding magazines. It makes some sense, too. What better way to evaluate a DJ then to go see them in action at another wedding?
But, think about it in practice. Would you want someone inviting a couple of strangers to your wedding? Uh, no! And, how are you going to focus on your current client and try to close another client at the same time? There’s no way that is going to work out well.
Instead, focus on getting some great photos and video of your wedding that you can share with other couples. And, get the bride and groom to give you a video testimonial while they are having a great time in the moment. Just find a quiet spot and ask them a couple simple questions about what they liked best.
In Summary…
Weddings can be stressful, even if you’re not the one getting married. As a professional DJ, you need to mind your P’s & Q’s throughout the event. You have enough to think about between the wedding events and your performance. You don’t want one little mistake making you look bad. Take these rules to heart, and all they will remember is how awesome you were.
